The Advice shared by My Father That Helped Me during my time as a New Parent

"I believe I was simply trying to survive for a year."

Former reality TV personality Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the difficulties of becoming a dad.

However the truth rapidly proved to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health complications during the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her chief support in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, each diaper… every walk. The duty of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he burnt out. It was a chat with his parent, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support.

The direct words "You're not in a healthy space. You require assistance. How can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His experience is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now more accustomed to discussing the stress on mums and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his difficulties are linked to a larger inability to communicate amongst men, who still absorb harmful notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and remains standing time and again."

"It isn't a sign of failure to request help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental health is equally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the space to ask for a respite - taking a short trip abroad, outside of the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he had to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotional states alongside the practical tasks of taking care of a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That realisation has changed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotion and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, profound difficult experiences resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "poor choices" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, turning in substance use as an escape from the hurt.

"You turn to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Managing as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, speak to a family member, your partner or a professional about your state of mind. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the activities that helped you to feel like you before having a baby. It could be playing sport, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - a good diet, staying active and when you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mind is faring.
• Meet other first-time fathers - sharing their stories, the messy ones, and also the good ones, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that seeking help does not mean you've failed - taking care of you is the optimal method you can support your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead offer the stability and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - managing the feelings constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men since they faced their issues, altered how they talk, and learned to control themselves for their children.

"I'm better… dealing with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I wrote, sometimes I believe my job is to guide and direct you what to do, but actually, it's a exchange. I am understanding just as much as you are on this path."